I figured… my lack of desire to act or to fulfill any of my former dreams comes from my need to get away from the chaos of modern life, from the stress.
I realize I am willingly putting myself under the pressure of the insanity that college is. It is, in the end, a system that will provide us with information (some unnecessary) and most importantly with a degree that says… well, I am ready, hire me, pleeeease!!!
I was happy before monday, at the buddhist retreat,  when there was no need to enter the experiments of the social institutions that humans themselves created for “survival”, such as the school system.
When did it become “normal” for people to live under SO much stress??
Yes, you may say I am a hipocrite for writing this and remain at school. No, I am not a hipocrite. I am a coward but I am very knowledgeable about my submission to this insanity and I admit it… publicly.

I am considering leaving everything behind and finding a place where human-created systems are not confused with life itself. Why has the pursuit of survival become such a burden? If you don’t go to school then you’ll probably  don’t get the right job nor a health insurance when you are sixty– cause in such a fucked up world, even dying is a fucking business. This so-called life is sucking all the desire to live out of me… and I can’t take it much longer, and I refuse to believe that a person should undergo such dehumanizing conditions.

There is something wrong with the pace of the modern world… and I don’t know what it is. Seriously, think about it, I am not trying to be rebellious or anything. I am just saying… don’t you feel like you keep waiting for that time when you’ll be able to do everything you’ve wanted to do in your life? It is interesting, though, that all of the things that puts humans under stress were created by humans. The world runs at such a complicated fast pace because we make it so, we created school systems, political systems, technology… and then we complain about not having time to live our lives– at least I do.

And I can’t find the courage to say… fuck it! I am a human being!! and I need to exist  and live to my fullest potential in an environment that doesn’t turn me into a mediocre machine-like person!!! I still want the health insurance, you know, and maybe a roof over my head.

We believe we have evolved as a species because of all the external “progress” of humankind, but sometimes it seems like we’ve developed the perfect system of unhappiness: stress.

Notes:
This note is the result of stress itself. Now that I’ve vented, let me assure you that I believe some of the modern creations of human beings are beneficial to their lives. However, my only intention is to make the reader (that’s if anyone reads this crap) question the general assumption of: “well, there’s nothing we can do, this is how the world works.” Hopefully, this note will instill in the reader a general feeling of: “NO!!! This is the world WE created!!! To work in a way that WE designed! (I mean, the schooling system wasn’t divine intervention, you know? ) and if that way of life isn’t working, well, then let’s frigging change it!!!!”